red-top commentary on the mundane: ~ happy fukken birthday to me ~

ok ok, it's actually tomorrow, and I do get the day off, but what a fucking week!!! Dear Christ!

I swear it was a prime-time episode of Murphy's Law meets Sex in the City meets Armageddon...

She's pretty right?...

No... I was the girl on the floor this week....

But let me tell you of my birthday week....

Monday:

I arrive to work and find that the cleaning lady had not come on Friday, so we had a small invasion (keep in mind my office is just doors from the office kitchen).

And since I am the boss, other than the owners who were conveniently in paris, the exterminator shows up, and this is almost exactly his entrance to my office:

uh uh motherfucker... Not today! Not EVER!!! ugh...

I am sure that died pretty quick when he reached the pigsty our office kitchen was...

I don't know what it is with my coworkers, but they are just Not Neat, which irks me to no end.

I imagine this is what it is like when I am not in the office:

So Monday concluded with the entire office being decorated in these:

And I say decorated, because this is Miami... And we don't just have the gold fly catchers... We have "tremendo babaloa chango fly catchers meng"....

No no... Miami motherfuckers will catch flies, perform an exorcism, contact your muertos, mistolin the fuck out of your auras and be an air freshener all in one!!

Tuesday

My new assistant starts. Now, I must state up front, I Did in fact approve his hire....

If anyone ever watched the 90's show Murphy Brown, you can pretty much skip Tuesday and go right to Wednesday. I believe in affirmative action, and I am very fond of young gay men... They are honest with your taste (or lack of) in fashion, they are generally organized, and always on time and presentable...

Alot of people say I am like Karen from Will and Grace... And I tend to agree...

So while this is what I was expecting:

This is what I ended up getting:

So yeah.... Needless to say, I pulled an El Donald by Noon....

Wednesday

There is one thing I cannot stand, aside from bad tippers... It is people who disrespect receptionists and secretaries. I started out as an assistant when I was in college and I know first hand how demeaning it can be in a corporate world to be looked down on for being 'just an asst'. I promised myself as I climbed the corporate ladder that I would Never be that kind of Thirsty Bitch who looks down on others. And I've done good by that.

I had an agent interviewing for a leasing manager position for our commercial properties. At around 11 am, the receptionist fell ill and my assistant, well, you read Tuesday, so I decided to cover the front reception while she ran to Publix for some medicine.

And in walks Ms. Smith:

Looks at me and says. "ugh.. its so cold outside, isn't this like Miami? Anyway (she rolls eyes), I am here for the Leasing MANAGER position. Do your little phone thing and call the boss"...

So I cordially pick up the phone and pretend to call myself... I further pretend I answer and tell myself that my interview is here. I look up and her, smile and tell her to have a seat, that the boss will be right with her..

I walk to my office and walk back up:

Interview lasted 10 minutes.

Thursday

My 7 year old decides he is going to wake up early and take a 'full bath' meaning a tub bath. Unfortunately, while he did plug in the tub, he didn't shut the water off on time because he wanted to see what would happen...