~ happy fukken birthday to me ~

ok ok, it's actually tomorrow, and I do get the day off, but what a fucking week!!! Dear Christ!

I swear it was a prime-time episode of Murphy's Law meets Sex in the City meets Armageddon...

She's pretty right?... 

No... I was the girl on the floor this week....

But let me tell you of my birthday week....

Monday:

I arrive to work and find that the cleaning lady had not come on Friday, so we had a small invasion (keep in mind my office is just doors from the office kitchen).   

And since I am the boss, other than the owners who were conveniently in paris, the exterminator shows up, and this is almost exactly his entrance to my office:

uh uh motherfucker... Not today! Not EVER!!! ugh...

I am sure that died pretty quick when he reached the pigsty our office kitchen was...

I don't know what it is with my coworkers, but they are just Not Neat, which irks me to no end.  

I imagine this is what it is like when I am not in the office:

So Monday concluded with the entire office being decorated in these:

And I say decorated, because this is Miami... And we don't just have the gold fly catchers... We have "tremendo babaloa chango fly catchers meng".... 

No no... Miami motherfuckers will catch flies, perform an exorcism, contact your muertos, mistolin the fuck out of your auras and be an air freshener all in one!! 

Tuesday

My new assistant starts.  Now, I must state up front, I Did in fact approve his hire....

If anyone ever watched the 90's show Murphy Brown, you can pretty much skip Tuesday and go right to Wednesday. I believe in affirmative action, and I am very fond of young gay men... They are honest with your taste (or lack of) in fashion, they are generally organized, and always on time and presentable...

Alot of people say I am like Karen from Will and Grace... And I tend to agree... 

So while this is what I was expecting:

This is what I ended up getting:

So yeah.... Needless to say, I pulled an El Donald by Noon....

Wednesday

There is one thing I cannot stand, aside from bad tippers... It is people who disrespect receptionists and secretaries.  I started out as an assistant when I was in college and I know first hand how demeaning it can be in a corporate world to be looked down on for being 'just an asst'.  I promised myself as I climbed the corporate ladder that I would Never be that kind of Thirsty Bitch who looks down on others. And I've done good by that.

I had an agent interviewing for a leasing manager position for our commercial properties. At around 11 am, the receptionist fell ill and my assistant, well, you read Tuesday, so I decided to cover the front reception while she ran to Publix for some medicine. 

And in walks Ms. Smith:

Looks at me and says. "ugh.. its so cold outside, isn't this like Miami? Anyway (she rolls eyes), I am here for the Leasing MANAGER position.  Do your little phone thing and call the boss"...

So I cordially pick up the phone and pretend to call myself... I further pretend I answer and tell myself that my interview is here.  I look up and her, smile and tell her to have a seat, that the boss will be right with her..

I walk to my office and walk back up:

Interview lasted 10 minutes.

Thursday

My 7 year old decides he is going to wake up early and take a 'full bath' meaning a tub bath.  Unfortunately, while he did plug in the tub, he didn't shut the water off on time because he wanted to see what would happen...

Nothing good.

I was late to work.  It was raining and I was giving a group training seminar which I would make about 1/2 an hour into it....

This is what I walked into. Pick a scene.  Any scene...

I don't have to tell you what I did Thursday night....

8:00 PM:

11:00 PM

2:00 AM

FRIDAY

So you have a glimpse into Friday daytime.....

5:00 am

8:00 AM calling in late - LATE AGAIN...

I arrive to the office and what is waiting for me?:

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After they sang the song...

Not much to tell about the evening....

SATURDAY

Got into a huge fight with a dear friend who means alot to me....

For stupid shit...

so SUNDAY?

wondering what this year will bring.... what surprises, what lessons and hopefully some good times.

If its a glimpse from this week:

If I go with a more philosophical view:

UGH...

This too shall pass...

And NO to my many friends who want to 'take me out' for my birthday... Just NO...

Happy Fuckken Birthday to Me....

Blah

~ coming out of love ~

it is always dark in the beginning.  

when movement begins, form manifests creation.

and curiosity is born...

Awe.... Ain't that precious?? 

for anyone who has ever known love,

there are two possibilities:

either you have established a place and ideal of what it is,

OR..

you have absolutely no idea what happened and question your own existence as a reasoning human. much like our fellow planet dweller, the male octopus..

and while the male may see himself as getting the short end of the stick.... the female is often the one who is left to clean up the mess...

THIS!

all in all, disappointments from love come in all different flavors...

how deeply it impacts you is based on several factors:

#1 - How good are your entry skills? 

#2 - How long can you pretend you are normal....

#3  how well you can overlook the faults that begin to show...

#4 how well you click on those unmentionable levels...

#5 - if safe lines get pushed...

(Bit of friendly advice... DON'T!!!)

#6 - The most important - how honest can you be with absolutely no boundaries? 

All in all,

I find the most beautiful aspect of love and such 

is the utter vulnerability that emerges when two people find each other 

who have walked similar roads and understand without words..

 In this life and past ones... 

It is a Gift.  A Gift two people give each other in which time is irrelevant.

Unfortunately, 

sometimes its too much to handle...

It IS Completely possible for two people to click too well... it becomes scary....

The Synchronicity becomes something that is not understood.

I searched and searched and searched and could find no term to identify this phenomena.

basically, 

...and the more levels you meet and gel on, the harder it becomes to come out of it.... 

And at this stage in life, I am beginning to heed the wise words of the elder teachers of the past:

I know, it sounds depressing.... 

But there is hope for those who have not yet experienced such deception and heartache.

And to those, I will heed this piece of advice:

If he falls asleep like this thinking of you...

And touches you like this...

Here is the most honest, sage advice anyone can give you:

HOLD ONTO IT AND DON'T FUCK IT UP DUMMY!!!

I wish someone would have told me that... 

Because if you fuck it up, this is the kind of thing you will hear going forward:

To which my 'honest' reply, in the words of a very wise man i once knew is:

UGH.

~ from the shadows ~

~ on intoxicating fiction ~

This will not be your nightly blog of theater...  This will be a fictionalized exploration deep into the psyche of what seethes beneath the facade of modern lifestyle...

Writing is my passion... Fiction is my Art... This is the time I feel alive...

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What will be explored:  

The Taboo of Love in the 20th Century

the inner workings into the minds of people in love

The Spirituality of Sex and Spirit

short stories discovering the hidden realm of magickal practice

The Desires and Practices of Everything Serial 

Exploring the psychological aspects of a decaying society

Tantra, S&M, and Role Playing in the dark corners of the World

The Why's, The How's, The Needs, all wrapped up in Black Lace Fiction

Everything Else that comes to my mind... Could be dangerous... 

Or what I find lurking in Yours....

Are you Ready?

~ dirty fairytales in german lit class ~

Once upon a time, on a platform far far away, I met a teacher who knew Godot.  Being a big fan of Estragon, I was intrigued to learn about his experiences. 

And boy was he eager to teach...

For those not familiar with the play Waiting for Godot, most of the characters spend life without shoes.  Its a temporal analogy to the concept of necessity and the human condition. 

Ironically, the concept of shoes came up quite a bit in his teachings.... Except, when it really wasn't about shoes, but a different type of puzzle piece....

It was a reading and writing intensive class, heavy on analysis and satire, and rarely easy to grasp.. The teaching methods used were rich with substance and profundity, with a deep lure you had to work for to achieve the knowledge they reap...

But its always worth it when you finally learn your lesson... The teachings were so rich in fact, that class often lasted from 7 am through 1 am every day; a constant exploration and discovery of sorts, centered in learning deep truths about life and love. 

But as is the nature of learning lessons, that which is good, also has a bad.  And as pleasurable as learning can be, the sting that follows from a bad lesson is filled with a poison that reaches all the same levels as the good.

So what is the next logical step in matters such as these when things go wrong? 

That's right! they get WORSE!!! ~~

The rapture of this nature renders reason and logic useless.

If there is a thing stupid and embarrassing and damning that can go wrong, it most certainly will....

~ it is not without a sense of irony ~

The mind tells you it makes sense... Get on the horse... Ride around.. Tell it like it is....



And when realization of the idiocy that just transpired hits you 

A true teacher swoops in with a comforting hug that matches your crazy...

There is a dynamic change though..

This is the point where the teacher becomes a student as well, and

no one is in control.

I blame magic...

After all, what is desire but a spell that is placed on two people by some external unknown force??

https://youtu.be/mTbFNsBy73I







There were moments of realization as well.  For instance, something you once thought applied only to you, you now realize applies to the both of you, and how truly fucked things are...



And you say to your self there is hope somewhere...

And you know somehow, there is understanding...





I suppose there must be a point to all this, but unfortunately, I have not yet graduated.  What I can share is that you can either:

Or, you can,

However you decide to write your next fairytale, remember, if you feel like this next meme most of the time,

 ~  Then you are most certainly, doing it Right ~

shadowfire